SERVING STRONG

Are you learning but never seem to get any smarter?

Ken Blanchard, Paul J. Meyer and Dick Ruhe have published the book, Know Can Do! in which they highlight the obstacles that prevent people from implementing what they learn. These obstacles include:

• Information Overload (too much learning in too little time)
• Negative Filtering (holding onto negative thought processes which prevent an open mind)
• Lack Of Follow-Up (not having a plan to put the new knowledge into action)

I have indicated in previous posts that there are two well-documented realities:

1. First Reality: There is overwhelming evidence that pastors are struggling with burnout, depression, stress, low self-esteem, loneliness, and obesity. Some say is is a result of the very profession pastors are in. They are expected to be all things to all people. Plus they are dealing with people and their struggles.
2. Second Reality: There is an over-abundance of information that addresses burnout, depression, stress, low self-esteem, loneliness, and obesity. I Google'd "stress" the other day resulting in over 285,000,000 hits in 0.5 seconds. The first page of results gave me enough information to learn what good stress is, what bad stress is, what its effect is on my life, and steps I can take to reduce the bad stress from my life.

There is a gap between the struggle pastors face and the resources that sit in bookshelves and websites across the world. The problem is in what the autuhors highlight in Know Can do!

Coaching is the key to filling this gap. With a personal coach, a pastor overcomes the obstacles mentioned above:

• The learning is in smaller bits of information more frequently
• The pastor and coach discover a positive perspective for longer-lasting impact
• The pastor and coach design a follow up plan of action that is do-able

Check out more about what coaching is.

Contact me if you're interested in exploring a coaching benefit for yourself. Learn the art of weaving balance and self-care into the fabric of your ministry.

Living with someone who has chronic pain?

"Chronic pain is a family problem. When people experience unrelenting pain, everyone they live with and love is likely to suffer. The frustration, anxiety, stress and depression that often go with chronic pain can also afflict family members and friends who feel helpless to provide relief."

This is a quote from a blog entry by Gary B. Rollman, Professor of Psychology, University of Western Ontario, London, ON.

The entire article was very helpful and can help if you, in your ministry calling, live with someone you love who has chronic pain, or if someone in your span of care has chronic pain.

Here are a few tips Professor Rollman points out.  Read the entire article for more details.

• Acknowledge your feelings (you may feel guilty about not being able to relieve the distress of someone you love. You may be anxious about financial problems.)
• Help the patient stay involved (Whether you are the patient's primary or intermittent caregiver, it is important not to contribute to feelings of helplessness)
• Communicate (Open, two-way communication is crucial to dealing effectively with chronic pain)
• Take care of yourself (Enlist all the help you can get from family members and friends)

Dealing effectively with chronic pain can help you keep Serving Strong!

After you tuck them in, your job is just beginning...

"You've fed them... bathed them... read to them... and tucked them in.  Now your most crucial parenting job begins." This is a quote from the parenting pages of Familylife.com.

Dennis Rainey says one of the most important things you can do for your children while they sleep is PRAY FOR THEM. And he has offered a resource as a gift to you for your donation. It's a resource called "While They Were Sleeping." The offer ends December 6, 2007.

If you're wondering how to pray for your children, this resource can help.

Check it out.

With strong parenting skills, you will be Serving Strong!

Learning life balance from our kids

David B. Bohl has a great article about learning life balance by watching our kids and how they interact and go about their days.

Read his article.

Next time you have a moment, take some time to see how kids integrate balance into their lives.  Is there anything you can learn?

Successfully integrate balance into your daily life and you'll be serving strong!

Your kids and bullies

Christianity Today has produced a Q and A regarding bullies with Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  This being the beginning weeks of school, I thought it might be appropriate to bring it to your attention.  Being a person who helps other people, if you've got a preschooler and an issue with bullies to contend with, your service to others can suffer.  This is a great help.

The Question:

"How should I teach my preschoolers to handle bullies at the playground, in our neighborhood or at preschool?"

The Answer: 

"One of the most important things parents can do is to prepare their children against bullies.  Bullies not only hurt children emotionally and physically, but also they can affect the way kids feel about themselves..." (read the entire answer)

Being a servant to other people's needs is only one of many roles we perform in life.  If you're a parent, you cannot pretend to ignore that role and have it come out all right.  We cannot serve others at the expense of our kids.  Be the best parent you can be and you'll be serving strong!

Are you a parent? It's back to school time!

I came across a good quote that reminds us about the season we, as parents, are approaching:

"Back-to-school time is not only about preparing the children for the first day of day care or school. It's about getting the entire family ready and everybody working together on setting up and following new routines that will minimize the surprises and reduce the likelihood of time crunch and stress for both the parents and kids."

It comes from Chaya Kulkarni, child development and parenting expert with Invest in Kids, a national charitable organization dedicated to supporting the healthy social, emotional and intellectual development of children aged 0-5.

The Invest in Kids' website has some great information and resources.  I thought it might be good to post it as another in the many options available to those in the people helping professions who are also parents.  Check it out.

When we are on top of our role as parents, we are serving strong!

Does your child have ADHD?

You have a call on your life to serve.  But you are also a parent of a child with ADHD.

I have been told this can be a very difficult thing to navigate.  So, I've included the link below to help you, if you fit this scenario.  It's a resource from Focus On The Family and it includes Facts about ADHD, how to cope, etc.

There are many barriers to effective ministry.  Understanding is the first and most beneficial step to successfully overcoming these barriers.  My prayer is that, in some small way, this will help you along your journey as you continue to serve strong.  God bless you!

Coping with ADHD

Accountability

What an ugly word "accountability" has become in our culture.  "No one is going to tell ME what to do.  I'm going to go my own way.  Don't even try to check up on me.  You have no right to."  Live and let live, as they say.

But as a person who serves, you cannot operate without it.  Long is the list of ministers who seved without accountability and the negative results.  It's dangerous to gamble this way.  It's like being a trapeze artist flying without a net.

Somewhere, I came across a list of questions that address this concept.  I don't know where they came from but I want to pass them along to you.  Perhaps you could ask another objective, supportive person to help you go through them periodically as you continue to serve strong...

YOUR CALLING

1. What was the highlight of your calling in the past week?
2. What was the biggest disappointment in the last week?
3. What success can you celebrate?
4. What failure can you celebrate?
5. What people were ministered to in your area?
6. Which people have you invested your time in this past week?
7. What one person in your relationships has the greatest potential as a Christ Follower?
8. How are the people under your care developing?
9. Who are becoming Christ Followers in your span of care?  Who are showing signs of spiritual growth?
10. Where are there holes to fill (challenges to overcome) in your calling for which you must pray for and strategize about?
11. Are there any potential storms on the horizon for which you need to prepare?

PERSONAL SPIRITUAL GROWTH

1. Have you meditated for at least 5 minutes each day since the last time we met?
2. What book are you currently reading to strengthen your own spiritual health?
3. What book(s) of the Bible have you been reading devotionally lately?
4. What book are you currently reading to sharpen your calling?
5. What answers to prayer have you received in the past week?
6. What barriers are hindering your spiritual growth right now?

PERSONAL LIFE

1. Are you taking the time you need to take for your family and yourself to be whole?
2. Would your spouse/family say that you are balancing your calling and home life well?
3. Are you taking a Sabbath rest regularly?
4. What did you do this past week that was really fun (not necessarily calling-related)?

FUTURE PLANNING

1. What are your major plans for the coming month? The coming quarter?
2. Are there any resources you need to better fulfill your calling?
3. Is there a way that someone else can support your efforts?

FINAL QUESTION

1. Have you been truthful in your answers to the questions above? :)

Are you at the top of your game as a minister?

Your calling - how's it going?  Are you effective?  Are you at your peak?  I've been thinking of what can keep us as ministers from being at the top of our game.  Here's a partial list.  I'm sure it's not exhaustive, but it's a start...

• Perfectionism
• Procrastination
• Lack of focus on calling
• Need for power, control
• Temptations
• Fixation (focused to the exclusion of other possibilities)
• Imbalance in other areas of life (marriage, parenting, finances, ec.)
• No self care
• The need to please
• Interpersonal conflict
• Lack of skills in calling
• Serving out of spiritual poverty
• Serving outside giftedness
• Too busy
• Can't say "no"
• Distant relationship with God

Pray for your kids

Here is a prayer I've been praying over my kids for years (adapted from Bill Hybels' "Becoming A Contagious Christian" resource).  Adapt it, change it, use it - but don't stop praying for your kids as you continue to pursue your calling in ministry:

FOR THEM

Draw them toward you. Open their eyes to the emptiness of life w/o you. Help them see their need for forgiveness. Remove any confusion they have about you and the life you offer. Help them grasp the meaning and importance of your cross & resurrection. Open their hearts to your love and truth. Bind the enemy from attacking them in their minds and spirits. Continually renew them through a broken-ness of heart.

FOR ME

Help me live a consistent and attractive Christian life. Help me create & maintain a lifestyle that allows for sufficient mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual space for time with them. Make me authentically and honestly deal with life's ups and downs. Give me wisdom in knowing how to approach the relationship. Expand my knowledge so I will be ready to define and defend the Gospel. Grant me appropriate boldness and courage. Use me to help lead them into a deep & vibrant relationship with you.

FOR US

Cause depth and trust to grow in our relationship. Open doors for spiritual conversations. Guide those conversations in pace, frequency, and content. Give me wisdom and insight to perceive what they are really saying when we interact. Give me courage and boldness to respond proactively for their ultimate spiritual good.

OTHERS

Cause the interactions with friends, adults, teachers, upperclassmen, younger kids, coaches, teammates, and family to continually point them to You. Protect them from anyone who will come in contact with them and intentionally or unintentionally hurt them or mislead them in any way. If necessary, use the difficult times to teach them to put their hope & trust in you.

l PRAY THAT THEY (Col 1:9-14) ...

• Know Your Will
• Live a worthy, pleasing life
• Bear fruit
• Grow in You
• Live in Your strength
• Have endurance & patience
• Live in joyful gratitude
• Claim their secure inheritance
• Embrace freedom

They are your kids, Father. Guide me as their steward.

Unconditional Love

My family & I were sitting down during the snow storm this evening watching American Idol  One contestant explained how proud he made his parents by making it to Hollywood.  He said that before then, he never really felt like he could please his parents.

Don't let this happen to your kids.  Don't let your ministry become a barrier between you and your kids.  Don't make your kids feel like they have to accomplish something to earn your love.  Model God's unconditional love in front of them.

To help, use this mantra (repeat it over and over and over, until they can recite it in their sleep):

"It doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, or who you become - mommy & daddy will always love you."