Behind My Back

I recently read an article in the Fall 2010 Leadership Journal, published by Christianity Today, by Gordon MacDonald entitled "Your Regular Checkup".

Gordon points out the importance of being examined by others:

 

"There was a time in recent years when a person I both know and respect accused me of harboring an attitude of bitterness. I could only take it back to three close friends who knew me extraordinarily well."

 

" 'Could you guys take some time and talk about me behind my back?' I asked. 'I want you to think back across the last several years and see if you remember any hint of bitterness in my life. And if you think you see something, please tell me. I must know so that I can deal with it.' "

 

I think we each must do this sort of thing on a regular basis, lest we fall into the trap of false self-acceptance.

 

What do you think?

 

Is this worth the effort?

 

What are the pitfalls?

 

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Comments

[bill (cycleguy)]

If I have a few close friends (a band of brothers) who are given permission to point out shortcomings in my life then I must be willing to take the medicine. I prefer to hear it from those I know who care about me than those who have an axe to grind. I may be misunderstanding Gordon but was it one of this 3 close friends who told someone else/talked behind his back? If so, then I would think twice about having that person in my band of brothers.

[Connie]

I am well aware of the issues and challenges I bring with me every day. It's also really helpful to be reminded of them when I've forgotten, and it's my closest friends with whom I most welcome those conversations. If observations come from others, I will process them with close friends. And I find it's also really helpful to do an 'inventory' from time to time of what it is God wants me to grow on next.

[Nina Ruth]

owie! I was just thinking about this, this morning (need for accountability/authenticity in relationships) & then here was this! maybe God is trying to tell me something?! :-)

[Scott Couchenour]

Bill - actually, I believe Gordon had a good friend tell him about a bitter attitude. He then took that possibility to his close friends and asked THEM to "talk behind his back", meaning, look behind at the past few years and see if they concurred with what the good friend said.

You bring up an excellent point. If we are going to get the most from a "band of brothers" we must be able to take the heat. And it can only work if we truly trust and believe in that "band".

Thanks for the insight.

[Scott Couchenour]

Inventory. Good word. From time to time, it helps to take various slices of our life and examine them (slices such as relational, financial, emotional, vocational...)

Thank you so much for joining the conversation, Connie!

[Scott Couchenour]

I never cease to be amazed by God's incredible timing and His desire to work through people. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. You encourage me. You encourage others as they read on. And you receive a blessing as well.

Listen to what God's telling you, k?