5 Steps World Class People Pleasing

THIS JUST IN...

...forget everything you've been taught in college or seminary. The Gospel is not as important as you've been led to believe. Ministry leadership is all about people. And people need to be pleased, first and foremost. The Gospel can wait. First please, then lead.

So here is your 5-Step Guide To Becoming A World Class People Pleaser (you can thank me later):

1) First, look at yourself in the mirror every morning and repeat these words: "I must be liked by everyone all the time. I must be liked by everyone all the time. I must be liked by everyone all the time..." Continue this mantra while brushing your teeth, showering, and getting dressed. This is the key to your pleasing success. You are what you think. (NOTE: For world class pleasing, studies have shown it takes an average of 142.75 times of repeating said phrase every morning. Some "pleasers" exceed 250!)

2) Second, throw out all your self-help books (including Bible studies and the like). You won't be needing them. They are a distraction from your number one goal: others. The more you focus on yourself, the less time you have to give others your attention. No one loves a self-absorbed person anyway, right? Personal growth is selfish. Some might argue it downright hedonistic. So STOP growing yourself and start growing others.

3) Third, stop standing for anything. Convictions are the bane of the top "pleasers" in the world. When you believe strongly in something you run the risk of turning a percentage the people off. They will become incensed and possibly talk about you when you're not around. You don't want THAT, do you? Of course not. You're a "pleaser"!

4) Fourth, learn the art of face gazing. The best "pleasers" know when to spot an oncoming frown long before it materializes and they take necessary steps to prevent it. Some use the back peddling technique. Others end their sentence with "...at least that's what I've heard." Whatever you use, remember, smiles = acceptance. You must always see a smile. Smiles are your favorite.

5) Fifth, just before your head hits the pillow at night, evaluate your day. On the credit side of the ledger, list all the people who were happy because of you (THEY are your bread and butter). On the debit side, list those who did not show acceptance. THOSE are the people you must be anxious about. THEY are your "to do" list. (NOTE: A bad dream is evidence you are on the right track).

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image credit (have to do this or they'll get mad)

Comments

[jasonS]

Well, sure, Scott--when you put it that way, it sounds totally ridiculous. When these things run around in my head, they seem a lot more persuasive. Good thing we are commissioned to take every thought captive!

Great reminder. Thank you. :)

[Bill (cycleguy)]

Have to admit Scott that for years I was the poster child for people pleasing. I am not sure I went this far but I sure had a hard time saying No and calling an Ace an Ace and a Spade a Spade (least to their faces). While I still want people to like and accept me I hope I am beyond the bend-over-backwards approach to having it happen. Good thoughts. Love the tongue in cheek.

[Scott Couchenour]

Getting it out of my head and down on paper has proven to be an effective method for dealing with absurdity. Thanks for sharing your insight.

[Scott Couchenour]

Like standing in a river's current, I can be swept away by people pleasing and not realize it until I'm way downstream. I need to remember Whose I am and Who it is I serve. Then I can stand against the current and say "ace" or "spade" when appropriate.

Speaking of tongue in cheek, I will have a follow-up post tomorrow on people pleasing. Stay tuned...

[Dusty Rayburn]

A bad dream is evidence you are on the right track.

Wow! I have nailed people pleasing! :-p

[Scott Couchenour]

Dusty, so you're in the 4am club too, huh? Had my share of anxious dreams brought on by feeling I must measure up to everyones' standards.

Congratulations on nailing the people pleasing thing..... I think... :)

[herbhalstead]

what's really sad is that people have actually told me that as a pastor I need to follow these 5 things... albeit not so overtly as you've outlined.

[Scott Couchenour]

Herb, more and more I am realizing just how important the congregation is in eliminating burnout from ministry leadership. Stay strong, brother.

[MichaelDPerkins]

Ouch.

[Scott Couchenour]

...i've used up most of my box of band-aids on myself. but i have a couple left. you want one?