Bridge People

During a coaching session with a client this morning, I was discussing the coaching concept of "Bridging" people. Below is an updated version of a re-post of the concept:

As people helpers, we come into contact with others' issues. We are called to bear one another's burdens. But how do we maintain perspective and strength to avoid letting others' burdens get us down and make us incapable of serving strong? We "Bridge" people.

What is "bridging" people?

Picture someone sinking in quicksand. Picture a bridge spanning the gulf of the quicksand pit. You are on the side of the pit. You have 2 choices.

SINK. One choice is to jump into the pit and try to help them out. This is a common thing to want to do. But that would only put you in a position to have to save yourself as well as the other person - you could sink in their quicksand and be no help to them.

Jumping into the quicksand means we've allowed ourselves to fall into a level of responsibility for others' choices. We over-identify with them and feel it's our fault they are in the quicksand and we are responsible for their choices. This is uber-empathy. It is NOT healthy

BRIDGE. The other choice is to walk onto the bridge, reach down, take their hand and walk them over to the side of the pit - pulling them out. That way, you stay strong and they get all the help you can give them without you becoming part of their problem.

Bridging means we've preserved our sense of responsibility to obedience to Christ alone. If the other person chooses not to change, we know our self worth is still tied to WHOSE we are, not whether the other person gets better. This is appropriate empathy. It IS healthy.

photo credit

What burdens are you helping others carry these days? Are you bridging them? Or are you struggling with over-identification as you sink in the quicksand alongside of them?

Comments

[Carla]

This is a very good picture, but I feel like I need some practical ways to apply this. I run into so many people who are in debt, don't have a place to live, have no furniture or money because they helped someone who was in need. Usually, their children or grandchildren. Some are afraid if they don't continue in this pattern they will lose that loved ones affection. I may be cold hearted, but I don't think a person who drags you down is a person who is showing any affection. I feel frustrated sometimes and I don't know how to counsel them because I am not in this position and who knows...maybe someday I will be. I don't know. If anything, it affirmed my beliefs for my own life. But I still don't know how to help others and give them practical advise in this area. I could give them resources, but it's not going to change the habit that they are in.

[Scott Couchenour]

Let's take your example as a practical application ("...people who are in debt, don't have a place to live, have no furniture or money because they helped someone who was in need"):

If I help someone with money I don't have and go into debt as a result, how can I continue to help them (and others for that matter) if my debt reaches a critical level? I will be more consumed by answering creditor's calls than by helping others.

Part of bridging involves boundaries. Boundaries involve the nasty little word "no" sometimes. Boundaries preserve our capacity to help those in our span of care. But you're right, this is difficult to determine. There isn't a nice, neat formula.

The gist of the blog post was created from an internal/emotional level. If, in my helping others, I start to feel my sense of self-worth is tied to the other person's improvement, I risk becoming disillusioned if they don't improve. My self-worth must be tied to who I am in Christ. A way to keep strong is to constantly deepen in my walk with Christ on a daily basis.

Does that help (at least a little)?