Ministry Then Family?

Ministry <<<< >>>> Family

Which comes first? Which comes second? Are pastors and leaders called to meet the leadership needs of the flock before their own family's needs? Or do the roles of spouse and parent override parishioners?

I believe some of the burnout that pastors and other ministry leaders experience is because of a misunderstanding of the answer to these key questions.

I need your help. What are YOUR thoughts on the subject? Does family come before ministry? Or does ministry trump the home?

Your comments may help enlighten others who have a real struggle with this issue.

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Comments

[Chad Payne]

Family must come first. We are to disciple our churches by setting an example. We cannot teach others to be godly parents and spouses unless we are modeling it in our own lives. In essence, a healthy ministry is largely built upon the foundation of a healthy pastoral family.

A mentor of mine once admonished me in this regard. Speaking of the congregation, he said, "Sooner or later, they are going to turn on you. When that happens, who will stand with you if not your family? But if you have neglected your family by putting the ministry first, you may find yourself standing alone."

Furthermore, a strong marriage is protection for the minister. A strained marriage makes the minister - and the minister's spouse, for that matter - much more susceptible to adultery. What happens to the ministry then?

The minister must model godliness by putting the needs of his or her family ahead of ministry needs.

[Tina]

Scott,
Thank you so much for this!! I want you to know that I am passing along your information to the rest of our church staff. This is an issue we have been struggling with. 8 full-time staff people, 4 part-time people and about 1500 in attendance on Sundays. BALANCE, such a hard thing to achieve. It is also hard to remember my first ministry is to my family. Just thank you!!! Thanks also for coming to MN, I didn't get to thank you as we had to leave and I didn't see you. I am excited about the prospect of "self-care", something that has been foreign in my ministry up to this point!!

[Scott Couchenour]

Thanks for your input. I will be posting a follow up post soon. Stay tuned.

[Randy]

I wish I could say that I always put my family first, but I don't know that would be true. My wife is pretty understanding, but I know there are times she has been hurt by me being away. I know my daughter who is only 3 1/2 misses me sometimes as well. I have been in my current assignment a whopping 2 weeks, but before that I was there for 8 1/2 years. I said no to some stuff, and didn't go to as many activities that my students were in and so forth but it was still hard when I would be gone 2-3 nights a week.
A friend ,@ToddPerkins,told me once when he was concerned about time away from his wife. She told him, "Don't worry so much that I get upset by you being gone, be worried when I no longer care." Thankfully my wife still cares, but I certainly don't want to abuse it.
Hope this helps some.

[Gracemarie]

Family must come first. My husband, the one and only pastor of our church, has done well at this. He has let the church know on numerous occasions that his family is first. I know they respect that. There are times, that my husband must minister to someone in a crisis. However, he has gotten good at determining the urgency. Does he need to drop everything? Can it wait a couple of hours so he can have dinner with his family? Can it wait until tomorrow? It is all about balance. As some comments were made earlier, the church members, and often the ones you have ministered to the most, often turn on you. Because of people turning on us and leaving the church, it has caused my husband, financially, to get an additional job. This makes it even more difficult to keep it all in balance. We are now working even harder to have a specific date night. It is so important for us to have a strong marriage!!!!

[steve gunno]

Doing the math, a congregation of 100 has 25 times more problems than a family of four. If it takes a "need" to get your attention, just imagine how many problems your family will non-voluntarily have to claim your attention? The resulting dysfunction borders on abuse. I want to be more accessible to my family than I do to my congregation.

[Jon Reid]

The concept of prioritizing things "first" and "second" leads us in the wrong direction, pitting kingdom vs. family. Jesus is the center of all, not the first over competing priorities. Whatever we do — in our family, or outside of our family — must be done as a family, in loving obedience to the Master. The work of the kingdom (whether that's "ministry" or "family") belongs to him.

But I notice that I wrote "kingdom" instead of "ministry." If we stick with the word "ministry," and I stick to a simple answer, it is this: Putting ministry before family is our sanitized version of child sacrifice.

[Chad Estes]

God isn't a cripple nor a tyrant. He doesn't need us to sacrifice our children in order to bring him more glory. His Kingdom isn't built on the backs of slaves or their abandoned families. He actually did all the sacrificing necessary, now we are invited to participate in love. How amazingly cool is that?!

[Scott Couchenour]

Tremendous insight for so many of you (directly on the blog and on Facebook and Twitter.). I will be posting a follow up post soon. Stay tuned.

[Coleen York]

Interesting that you should be writing about this because it has been a topic of conversation around me lately! There is a huge difference between your Father GOD and your Ministry. Though your ministry comes from God (and if it doesn't your ministry probably isn't very effective) it does not replace your relationship with God. God is first and foremost always in your life. He is the most important relationship you can have. Second is your spouse and then your kids. THIRD, is your ministry. There must be order. When this gets out of order is when you begin to see problems (divorce, strain, etc. even among amazing Christian people). If you have your ear turned FIRST towards the Father, then he won't let you get the two out of order.