It's inevitable. Small issues get blown out of proportion. If you've lived any length of time you have seen this happen in your own life.
The next time this happens, what are you going to do? David J. Lieberman, author of Make Peace With Anyone, gives us a couple ideas for when we have to deal with this:
- Listen - Refrain from judging what the other person is saying. Don't think about what you're going to say next. Don't agree, disagree, or argue. If they are upset, you're best bet is to say "I'm sorry". Any more than that and they may get more defensive. Lieberman says it would be like telling a person they should eat healthy and exercise regularly while they are having a heart attack. The first step is to resolve the problem at hand. Then address the issues which led to the problem in the first place. It's amazing how helpful it is to simply let someone get an issue off their chest. In a lot of cases, when a person feels heard, it's all they want.
- Paraphrase - This helps the other person know you've been listening. It also crystallizes his complaint and helps you better understand what the issue is. This is also known as the "drive-thru conversation." When you order a chicken sandwich and iced tea, the voice responds by repeating what your order is. If incorrect, you clear it up right then. If they get it right, you pull forward and pay. Paraphrasing is the same idea.
- Ask For A Favor - This conveys the message that you are making their problem your problem. For example, after listening and paraphrasing, ask the other person to tell you what they think is a fair solution.
Dealing effectively with small issues that grow into big ones is part of Serving Strong!
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