SERVING STRONG

You And Your Spouse

Here are three resources to check out as you have time. They are designed to help you augment your efforts at staying close and intimate with your spouse as you also fulfill your calling  help others:

Real Relationships
Invest in your marriage

Honor Your Spouse  
A tool for learning more about your #1
human relationship

National Institute of Marriage
Building, Restoring and Renewing
the Promise of a Great Marriage

You may find a list of free downloads and other links on the Serving Strong resource page.

NOTE:  Although Serving Strong provides these resources, it may not condone or agree with
everything contained therein.

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Marriage And Money

Do you fit this profile:

• You are called to help other people.
• You are married.
• You have money coming in and expenses going out.
• You and your spouse argue over your budget.

Marriage and money are a contentious pair. More fights break out over the use of, or lack of, money in a couple's relationship. When this conflict occurs, it saps energy from you. This is energy you could be devoting to helping others in your calling.

Take a few minutes and review the following links. Perhaps it's time to do a marriage money makeover. Perhaps it's time to sit down and map out a spending plan (I like that much better than calling it a "budget") with your spouse.

Finance Wisdom from Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Money and Relationships from Dave Ramsey

Marriage and Money: Getting On The Same Page from Matthew Paulson

Gain control of the money inpact on your marriage and you'll be Serving Strong!

In-Laws Or Out-Laws?

As a married ministry leader, you may be blessed with some great in-laws. You may not. Dr. Les Parrott says in The Control Freak:

"While some blessed couples couldn't be happier with their in-laws, the majority of couples feel their in-laws are outlaws. And the number one complaint is over-controlling behavior."

How you deal with your in-laws will have an impact on your marriage. And the strength or weakness of your marriage will have an impact on how you are able to minister to others.

Take advantage of the website, Real Relationships, on the topic of in-laws. Les and Leslie Parrott answer questions in online video format. Here is a sampling of just a few questions they address:

"My husband does not like my family and now I dread all family functions because he mostly sits like a bump on a log when we're with them. Should we just not attend or should I go alone?"

"My wife does not get along with my mom. My mom isn't perfect but she isn't as bad as my wife thinks she is too. I am caught in the middle. Can I step out and refuse to referee their arguments?"

"My in-laws are very sweet people and I appreciate all their kindness, but sometimes they become so involved in our lives that it drives me nuts. What can I do when my in-laws smother us?"

To check out the entire list of questions CLICK HERE

Take a good hard look at the impact of in-laws on your marriage. Address these concerns with sound, biblical advice and you'll be Serving Strong!

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Weak Tips

From observations, reading, coaching client interactions, I've compiled a list of surefire ways to maintain weakness in service to others:

1. Stay In Debt. Use credit cards like they are going out of style. Then justify your expenditures with a phrase like, "I've got to build up my credit score."
2. Serve Alone. This will take a little more work for the outgoing, people-oriented. But do your best to engage in ministry without any regard for leaning on the strength, perspective, and assistance of others. You are all you need.
3. Serve Exclusively. Even though you have a number of plates (marriage, parenting, fitness, spiritual growth) forget all that. Your work in helping OTHERS is paramount. If that means neglecting your spouse, kids, health, or walk with God - so be it. The work must be done. Give, give, and give some more. It's the only way.
4. Stop Learning. That's right. You know just enough to be dangerous. Get out there and do the work of a servant. Experience is all you need. Some people believe in 10 years of learning. Not you, 1 year of learning 10 times is good enough. Plus, when you invest in yourself, that's that much more time you could be out there doing the work.

There. That should help get you started. I'm sure there are other tips you can add to the list. Perhaps you may even take the time from your busy schedule to comment on the post (but not if it means helping someone else out - that would mean they would learn. And we don't want that!)

This un-message brought to you by Serving Strong (and, no, the picture is not of me - although I would probably look worse!)

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Strangely Disconnect (re-post)

September 2008 I posted an experience regarding what I call a "Season of Frenzy". I witness a lot of people engaged in this season these days and I thought I'd re-post the thought today. Here it is:

I just came out of a very busy 2-week period.  I was away from home on 3 separate trips.  And because of the trips, I was overly busy at home and the office.  It was what I call a "season of frenzy."

Seasons come and go.  We're in the beginning of Autumn in Ohio and we're seeing sections of trees turning yellow or maroon.  This season is replacing the beautiful summer season we just came through.  And it will be replaced by the winter season.  Seasons were meant to be temporary.

The season I went through is now past and I don't have a trip planned for the near future.  But what I noticed was the toll it took on my marriage relationship.  Throughout the "season of frenzy" and for a time afterward, Jennie and I had to do some reconnecting.  We value quiet time together and the "season" hadn't allowed us to honor that value.  We hadn't connected for longer than we prefer.  We were temporarily out of balance.

Lesson Learned:

I vowed to try and look ahead to any upcoming "seasons of frenzy" and take steps ahead of time to ensure life balance.  For example, in this particular case had I taken preventative measures, I would have carved out at least 2 special dates with Jennie when I was home between trips.  I learned that while in the "season of frenzy" I need to create more intentional boundaries and self care measures.

Learn to navigate through your "seasons of frenzy" and you'll be Serving Strong!

The next issue of the Serving Strong eNews will provide some practical steps in dealing with a Season of Frenzy. If you're not a subscriber to this free resource, CLICK HERE

I just came out of a very busy 2-week period.  I was away from home on 3 separate trips.  And because of the trips, I was overly busy at home and the office.  It was what I call a "season of frenzy."

Seasons come and go.  We're in the beginning of Autumn in Ohio and we're seeing sections of trees turning yellow or maroon.  This season is replacing the beautiful summer season we just came through.  And it will be replaced by the winter season.  Seasons were meant to be temporary.

The season I went through is now past and I don't have a trip planned for the near future.  But what I noticed was the toll it took on my marriage relationship.  Throughout the "season of frenzy" and for a time afterward, Jennie and I had to do some reconnecting.  We value quiet time together and the "season" hadn't allowed us to honor that value.  We hadn't connected for longer than we prefer.  We were temporarily out of balance.

Lesson Learned:

I vowed to try and look ahead to any upcoming "seasons of frenzy" and take steps ahead of time to ensure life balance.  For example, in this particular case had I taken preventative measures, I would have carved out at least 2 special dates with Jennie when I was home between trips.  I learned that while in the "season of frenzy" I need to create more intentional boundaries and self care measures.

Learn to navigate through your "seasons of frenzy" and you'll be Serving Strong!

The next issue of the Serving Strong eNews will provide some practical steps in dealing with a Season of Frenzy. If you're not a subscriber to this free resource, CLICK HERE

Too Much Of A Good Thing

Today is a special day for Americans. Freedom is celebrated all across the country. The staple of the celebration: Fireworks.

It's a beautiful thing to behold fireworks when they burst from the earth and explode in the sky with an array of colors and sound. They have evoked "Ohhh"s and "Awww"s from children and adults for years.

It's also a dangerous thing when fireworks go wrong. The picture in this post apparently is what happens when a homemade firework meets the human hand.

Fireworks: A paradox of beauty and danger.

Working with people: A paradox of a satisfying career and burnout.

You are a people helpers. You labor in the craft of others' burdens. You are problem solvers. You feel others' pain. How do you keep this tremendous callling from eroding into burnout? I suggest 4 habits:

1) Spin. Be sure your plates (Christ follower, spouse, parent, financial, relational, physical, etc.) are spinning with approriate speed and attention.

2) Swing. Be sure to go full out in your work AND go full in to rest and recreate. Remember, it's not so much that you rest from your work as it is you work from your rest.

3) Align. Be sure to spend most of your waking hours engaged in where your passion lies and where your skills are used.

4) Center. Start each day in a posture of brokenness before the God who calls you and stay in that posture the remainder of the day.

Spin, Swing, Align, and Center. These are the habits which help you keep your profession beautiful without burning out.  Serve Strong!

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A Quest For Peanuts

I was on a flight to speak at a conference the other day. On the first leg of the trip, I sat by an elderly couple. They didn't speak much. They had obviously lived a full life. Their hands were gnarled and skin was worn. He sat looking out the window. She read The Shack.

The steward passed out those little bags of peanuts. You know the kind, if you've ever flown. The old man opened his no problem and started eating. She, hunched over with her arthritic hands, was having a bit more difficulty. I watched as they communicated without using words. He motioned to her how to get the bag open. She tried and failed. He motioned again. She tried and failed. Finally, he gently took the bag and opened the bag for her and she began enjoying her peanuts. Without a word spoken, they communicated to each other.

The neat thing about this story is that on the second leg of the trip I sat down in the next plane and there they were - the same couple! She looked at me. I looked at her and we exchanged smiles. She asked if I had sat by them before. I answered yes. She said she recognized the book I was reading. I said I recognized the book she was reading.

We struck up a conversation throughwhich I learned about their marriage of over 67 years. She was 96 years old and he was 95. Wow! What a wonderful expression of a marital relationship!

I want there to be a 44 year old blogging about me and Jennie in the year 2052 like that. I desire to have the kind of marriage that lives beyond 67 years AND transcends to a strangers blog post AND inspires others to do the same. How about you?

Keep your marriage strong and you'll be Serving Strong!

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Accountability 101

Pastors set their own hours. The profession offers a lot of time alone for planning and thought. Although this sounds like a dream job, temptations run rampant.

Are you serious about remaining morally strong? Have you considered setting up your own personal accountability system but don't know where to start? Perhaps you are doing fine right now but you lack a "fence" of consistency to stay the course and finish strong. If that describes your situation, you are invited to join a phone presentation to gain ideas on how to begin the process. You will hear from Scott Couchenour, Certified Life Coach, who will share concepts and practical ideas to help increase your chances for sustainable success over temptation. Time permitting, he will take a couple of your questions.

The call is free*. It's simple (you can call from the convenience of your own home or office). Your name will not be shared.

Date:      Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Time:      1:00 pm (EDT)
Duration: 30-60 minutes

If you are interested, email coach@progressmax.com and put "accountability" in the subject line to receive the dial-in number and conference code.

Space is limited so act today to reserve your seat.

* Your only cost is any long distance charge

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Life Fitness

Recumbant bikes, treadmills, stair-steppers. These are all the tools of the physical fitness world. People join YMCAs and other fitness companies all across the world to stay fit.

But have you ever considered fitness in other areas of your life? Consider the following areas and ask youself how fit you are? What tools do you need to stay fit in each area? What is your "exercise routine" for each area?

Spiritual Fitness

Marital Fitness

Parental Fitness

Financial Fitness

Interpersonal Fitness

Mental Fitness

Vocational Fitness

Work on the fitness in all of your life's areas and you''ll be Serving Strong!

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What's Your Code Of Honor?

I'm currently reading a book by Blair Singer entitled, The ABC's of Building A Business Team That Works.  As VP of Operations of Cogun, Inc. I am helping to coach teams to be successful.  One concept I thought was helpful in the life of a people helper is captured in the following quote from the book:

"Every family and every marriage goes through trying times. The code or the rules keep them united. Otherwise kids go off and make their own decisions, which may not be in their best interest. Spouses can get distracted or stressed, and under pressure they may say and do things that they regret later. The code is the set of agreements and rules that force you to be the person that you agreed you wanted to be in a sane and logical moment."

What's your code of honor for your family? For you marriage? If you don't have one, perhaps today is a good day to sit everyone down and hammer out how you will communicate with each other.  Here are 5 rules between Singer and his wife which he shares in his book:

Communicate daily no matter where I am in the world (Singer travels a lot)

Stick with all disagreements until they are resolved

Study together

Keep your agreements

Commit to personal development and education

Having a code is not a bad idea. It may just help you Serve Strong!

Stay Morally Healthy - 3 Examples

Todd Rhoades posted a VERY important post on his blog, Monday Morning Insights that ALL PASTORS MUST READ.

We all know that pastors need to avoid moral failure at all costs. We have all seen on TV the evangelists who are publicly disgraced. We may even know someone personally who has had to surrender credentials because of an indiscretion.

But we need more than a "you ought not do it."  WE NEED EXAMPLES:

Here are 3 leading pastors in today's culture and what they are doing to remain pure:

Read Shaun King's example

Read Craig Groeschel's example

Read Perry Noble's example

In addition, Serving Strong is affiliated with Covenant Eyes, an online filtering and accountability solution.  If you use ServingStrong as the promo code with you sign up, your first month is free.

Sign up for Covenant Eyes here

Staying morally fit is a definite part of Serving Strong!

Accountability In Action

It's Tuesday morning and I just read a Covenant Eyes accountability report on a friend.  I was asked to be his accountability partner and glad to do it.  I receive his reports on a weekly basis.  As I read down through the report, I am pleased to see,

"no unusual activity this reporting period"

"no high scoring web searches"

"no web sites blocked by the Covenant Eyes Filter"

"no high scoring sites visited during the reporting period"

These are the things I like to see from those who ask me to hold them accountable.  PLUS, I have my own report going to my own accountability partner and I'm glad they too are seeing the same phrases in my accountability report.

Are you using Covenant Eyes yet?  If you aren't, you need to be.  The internet is an incredibly wonderful and devastating thing.  If used right, it can bring a lot of helpful information as you pursue your people helping.  If used wrong, it can destroy all you've worked to achieve.

Serving Strong is an affiliate of Covenant Eyes.  If you sign up using PromoCode: ServingStrong, your first month is free.  But the great thing is, it's not that expensive anyway.  If you want to start surfing safely, here's the link to get started:

GET COVENANT EYES

Safe surfing is part of Serving Strong in your peopl-helping profession!

How To Make A Good Decision

Each day we wake to a new set of hundreds (perhaps thousands) of choices.  Since our time, energy, and resources are limited, we must make the best choices at each fork in the road.  This is the essence of pursuing excellence.  It's also a key to living in balance.  Choices impact our role as people helper, spouse, parent, and so on.  Choices impact our life areas such as our career, finances, physical health, spiritual health, and so on.

But how do I know I'm making the right decisions each time?

For example, if I'm on the floor at home playing with my two young children in the evening and I get a call on my work phone, how do I know if I should take the call?  The answer is partly based on your objectives; your masterplan.  Let me explain...

Choices Based On Objectives

Consider the evening call as an example.  But this time, instead of simply being on the floor playing with your children, you have determined what the kids really need is a relationship with you.  You understand a relationship with them now will help when they reach the turbulent teen years.  So instead of just killing time with the kids, you are intentionally developing this relationship with them via, say, a lego building exercise.  Now you get that call on your work phone.  A choice must still be made.  Do you pause your relationship-building time to take a work-related call?  Or do you let the call go to voicemail and check it after the kids go to bed?  The choice is still yours.  But a good choice will be made when it's based upon your objectives.

We make choices on a whim when there are no objectives or masterplan to guide us.  We are swayed by the winds of "I ought to do this" or "I ought to do that."  And many people end up imbalanced in their work and life.

Start designing your objectives; your masterplan.  It's the the key to Serving Strong!

Note:  Email me (coach@progressmax.com) for your free coaching session.  If you're serious about making the best decisions this new year, experience how life coaching can benefit you as you design your own personal masterplan.

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Guys: Stay Out Of The Doghouse This Christmas

My pastor blogged about this... check it out:

Surfing Your Values (part 3)

Check out Part 1
Check out Part 2

I am linking to a series of posts on the Breaking Free Blog put out by the folks at Covenant Eyes.  They are highlighting Daniel Lohrmann's "Seven Habits of Online Integrity," from his book, Virtual Integrity: Faithfully Navigating the Brave New Web.

Here are the rest of the 7 Habits:

Habit #4: Apply Helpful Technology

Lohrman identifies three broad categories of current technology:  Computer security, Web filtering software, and Accountability software.  All three of these types of software promote a safe online experience.  Some websites are ideal places for you to learn about the different technology options.

Habit #5: Balance Online and Offline Life

Because we live in this Internet age, there is always the risk of spending too much time online in a way that hinders our growth mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally. Taking a brief look around youth culture, for example, one can see a host of time-consuming, compulsive, and unbalanced uses of technology.

Habit #6: Practice Humble Authenticity

Lohrman suggests three ways to practice humble authenticity as we work to surf our values: Conduct honest self-examination, stay away from the "virtual cliffs" in cyberspace, and surft your true identity.

Habit #7: Become a cyber ambassador for good

We belong to another coming kingdom.  That kingdom's values are very different from this world's.  Our power, recognition, status, pleasure, and wealth are totally redefined by our relationship to the King, Jesus Christ.

This post is just the beginning.  To read the entire post on Covenant Eyes' blog, CLICK HERE.

Note: I have tagged this post in many of the Serving Strong blog categories intentionally.  Because internet integrity touches so many of our facets of life.  When we are surfing with integrity we are Serving Strong!

CLICK HERE

to get your first month free with Covenant Eyes' accountability software

(Promo Code: Serving Strong)

Surfing Your Values (part 2)

I posted a comment on November 19, 2008.  This is a follow up to that post.

I am linking to a series of posts on the Breaking Free Blog put out by the folks at Covenant Eyes.  They are highlighting Daniel Lohrmann's "Seven Habits of Online Integrity," from his book, Virtual Integrity: Faithfully Navigating the Brave New Web.

Habit #1:  Refresh Your Values in Cyberspace

The first step to surfing our values is remembering what our values are and realizing that they should apply to the Internet as well.  So what are your offline values? What would you label a “good” character quality?  How do your online behaviors match up?

Habit #2:  Pledge Personal Online Integrity

Creating a pledge for Internet use is not something just for protecting children: it is something every adult ought to do.  This personal pledge doesn’t need to be complicated or overly detailed.  One of the best ways to guard children from Internet pitfalls is by setting a standard for them by the way WE live as adults.

Habit #3:  Seek Trusted Accountability

Once we’ve committed to online integrity, it only makes sense that we set up some system of accountability.  Share the details of our pledge with trusted friends or family members, giving them permission to ask you to give an account of your commitment.  Whatever you do, involve someone else in the process who will show you tough love and always challenge you to the standards you have set.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ENTIRE POST FROM BREAKING FREE BLOG

Note: I have tagged this post in many of the Serving Strong blog categories intentionally.  Because internet integrity touches so many of our facets of life.  When we are surfing with integrity we are Serving Strong!

Surfing Your Values

I subscribe to Covenant Eyes.  It's an online accountability software program that monitors all my online activity.  I have an accountability partner who review an activity report on a weekly basis.  I do not intend to surf the internet for sites that are questionable.  But I want to be extremely cautious as I do my work of blogging, internet research, and website maintenance.  Having that element of accountability honors our God-given design to serve in community rather than as an island.

I HIGHLY recommend that you make the same investment.  Here where you do that.

Covenant Eyes has a companion blog called Breaking Free.  I have found the posts to be very informative and helpful as I navigate this online world of ours.  One recent post discusses part of Daniel Lohrmann’s book, Virtual Integrity, called Seven Habits of Online Integrity.

Here's a quote from Lohrmann:

“I’d like to offer you seven habits to faithfully navigate the brave new Web, which will hopefully become regular practices in your life. One goal of this list is to establish a basic framework for individuals to surf their values. . . . These are action-oriented disciplines that strive to be “non-techie,” easy to understand, and flexible to implement based upon need.”

Watch this video:

I will be following this list of posts as they come out.  I suggest you follow along as well.

Incidentally, I have tagged this post in many of the Serving Strong blog categories intentionally.  Because internet integrity touches so many of our facets of life.  When we are surfing with integrity we are Serving Strong!

Couples and Financies

A friend of mine, Linda Stoll from Creekside Ministries, posted a great note on her blog.  She lists several steps couples can take to ensure a strong marriage when it comes to money.  Two ideas include...

Identify each partner's patterns of spending & saving

Increase your financial teamwork as a couple

Read the entire post.

A strong marriage is behind the people helper who is Serving Strong!

Great Posts On Marriage

Family Life has some great information and tools that will help you create and maintain a growing, vibrant marriage as you serve in your compassion field.  Here are a few links:

Healthy Marriage

Troubled Marriage

Romance

Keeping your marriage strong is part of what's behind your ability to Serve Strong!

Strangely Disconnected

I just came out of a very busy 2-week period.  I was away from home on 3 separate trips.  And because of the trips, I was overly busy at home and the office.  It was what I call a "season of frenzy."

Seasons come and go.  We're in the beginning of Autumn in Ohio and we're seeing sections of trees turning yellow or maroon.  This season is replacing the beautiful summer season we just came through.  And it will be replaced by the winter season.  Seasons were meant to be temporary.

The season I went through is now past and I don't have a trip planned for the near future.  But what I noticed was the toll it took on my marriage relationship.  Throughout the "season of frenzy" and for a time afterward, Jennie and I had to do some reconnecting.  We value quiet time together and the "season" hadn't allowed us to honor that value.  We hadn't connected for longer than we prefer.  We were temporarily out of balance.

Lesson Learned:

I vowed to try and look ahead to any upcoming "seasons of frenzy" and take steps ahead of time to ensure life balance.  For example, in this particular case had I taken preventative measures, I would have carved out at least 2 special dates with Jennie when I was home between trips.  I learned that while in the "season of frenzy" I need to create more intentional boundaries and self care measures.

Learn to navigate through your "seasons of frenzy" and you'll be Serving Strong!

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Married To A Youth Pastor

I just came across an article involving five youth ministry spouses who reveal what it's really like to be a youth minister's spouse.  It discusses what you may need to know about your job's impact on your family. 

A few quotes from the article:

"My patience with kids in general has quadrupled since we first got married. And I think my own children have benefited as a result. Also, my kids are growing up with lots of big brothers and sisters who love them."

"Having the entire church looking at and into our lives-that adds pressure to our home life. And it makes it difficult to enjoy church and to be ministered to. In fact, we feel like we don't really have a church when it comes to being ministered to. When I'm at church, I feel like I'm working, even though he's the one who works for the church."

"Next to Christ, your family should be your priority-not your ministry. It's more valuable for youth to see a man who loves God, who loves his wife, and who loves his children."

You can view this article by clicking here.  Read it for yourself and see if there is anything you can apply to your own persona growth.

The unique relationship you have with your spouse in ministry (whether you are a husband or wife) is not something to take lightly.  How you navigate the waters between your marriage and ministry will have a profound impact on your ability to Serve Strong!

Married To A Caregiver

Are you a caregiver to someone in your home?  If so, how is it impacting the quality of your marriage?  When you are taking care of someone 24/7/365 and you are also trying to stay close to your spouse, how do you maintain a strong marriage?

These types of questions are addressed in a very helpful interview by Denise M. Brown, Publisher and Editor.  She talked with Jenny Henson, a registered professional caregiver who is taking care of her uncle in her home.  The interview is on www.caregiving.com.

They address issues like

• How to communicate with your spouse.
• Sharing duties around the house.
• Maintaining intimacy.
• Handling conflict.

Read the entire interview.

The One Thing That Hinders Effective Service

Scott Hughes talks about 3 common unhealthy activities - one of which I'd like to highlight in this post.

The Television.

Scott Hughes considers it possibly the "worst addiction in society" because it engulfs so many people so much of the time.  Hours and hours of time are wasted while we sit idly in front of the TV as our minds stew aimlessly and our bodies increasingly get weak and fat.  I agree (although I'm talking to myself here as much as to you, since I've been known to waste a few hours here and there watching mindless drivel :))

So, what is YOUR television viewing habit?  How much time do YOU spend watching?  Perhaps there's an acceptable amount of TV for the TV to briefly "escape" from the pressures of people helping.  But just imagine how much more time we can devote to the other areas of our life if we get up, turn it off, and walk out of the TV room (quality time with our spouse, time with kids, yard work, calling a good friend, encouraging a neighbor, studying God's Word, reading a book on our particular calling, exercising....)?

Regulate the amount of TV time for maximum impact and you'll be Serving Strong!

Note:  image from www.gadgetaddict.com

Who Benefits From Your Growth?

Each August, Shaker Woods is an event which takes place near where I live.  It's a collection of craft booths, primitive entertainment, and food.  It all takes place in a wooded area.  We've gone to walk along the pebble stone pathways and look at various crafts, eat some kettle corn, etc.

Interesting are the various garage sales and craft tents that line the roads leading to the location of the Shaker Woods.  These are ordinary people trying to sell their wares to the masses who travel the the Woods.  In essence they are riding on the popularity of the Shaker Woods event, trying to benefit from it.

You are growing at some rate in your personal life (I hope).  Do you realize the impact you are having on those in your span of care?  Do you understand how your personal growth indirectly (or often directly) impact the personal growth of someone close to you?  For example, say you are truly learning the keys to being more patient.  Imagine what you are doing to model patience to your kids as they learn how to deal with their friends.

We are always being watched.  Influence is inevitable.  That means when we grow personally, we are "raising the water in the harbor for all the ships."  Kind of creates a greater sense of urgency to our personal growth, doesn't it?

Keep growing personally and you'll be Serving Strong!

Fight Fair...Go Deeper

"Once you know how to fight fair, conflict is often the price we pay for a deeper level of intimacy."

This is a quote by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott from their work, I Love You More.  On their website, www.real relationships.com, they cover a number of questions and issues regarding conflict in marriage.  Some of them include:

• "My wife and I desperately need marriage counseling.  My wife refuses to go and I feel we will end up in a divorce if we do not get counseling, but maybe that is what she wants.  Any advice?"
• "I have been married for about a year and find that I don't argue very well.  Do you have some tips on how to argue?"
• "My husband must be having a mid-life crisis.  He wants to skydive and scuba dive, etc.  He's wearing different clothes and wants a new car.  I don't want to do these things on the one hand but I might be left behind on the other.  What should I do?"

The Parrotts give sound advice on these and other issues.  Visit this site and see if your question is addressed.

Marital conflict, if not dealt with fairly, can be the thing that is keeping you from Serving Strong!

Married To The Ministry

I married a PK (Preacher's Kid).  So I only have a little glimpse of what it's like to be in a pastor's household (and I love my in-laws!)

But being married to the ministry has got to be one of the most unique situations on earth.  Where do you turn for help?  How do you process all the situations that you face?  Who do you talk to?

Well, I found a blog that just may help answer those questions if you can relate.

Visit THE PREACHER'S WIFE.  Check it out.

Dating Your Spouse

Typical progression of seasons in the life of a couple:

• Pre-marriage
• Pre-child
• Mid-child
• Post-child (empty nest)

We generally think of dating in the "Pre-marriage" season.  We are courting our soon-to-be spouse.  We want to know all about them.  We are pleasant.  We put our best foot forward.  We don't burp, pick our teeth, or make generally-offensive noises.

But unless we're careful, we can skip the "Pre-child" and "Mid-child" seasons and before we know it, we're in the "Empty nest" stage wondering "who is that person across the dinner table?"  This can be awkward.

A Dating Lifestyle

The key is to maintain a healthy dose of dating throughout EVERY season of life together.  Don't let the tyranny of the kids' schedules, work life, or household chores eat into your dating time.  Consider a constant quest of learning about your spouse through each season.  Don't let up.

The marriage of a people helper is key.  When it is healthy, we can Serve Strong!

Note:  The picture comes from www.christiandatingforus.com

The Triangle Of Intimacy

The accompanying diagram illustrates a concept that impacts both the spiritual and marital dimensions of the people-helper. In order to understand the concept, let's look at the various parts of the diagram:

First, notice the 3 points: You, Your Spouse, and God. For the purpose of this illustration, these are the basic components of a Christian marriage.

Second, notice the line between You and God, as well as the line between Your Spouse and God. This signifies the journey You (and Your Spouse) travel as you get closer and closer in (or farther away from) intimacy with God.

Lastly, notice the two lines entitled "A" and "B". These represent the closeness between you and your spouse.

The concept is simple - Notice that line "B" is shorter than line "A". As You and Your Spouse grow in intimacy with God on a personal level, the distance between the two of you becomes smaller. In essence...

Growing intimacy with God promotes growing intimacy in your marriage.

We can allow the distractions of life to keep us from growing in God. But the effort we invest on our relationship with Him not only impacts us personally, but our marriage as well. What are you doing to invest in your relationship with God these days?

People-helpers who are married must make their marriage a priority in order to Serve Strong!

It Got Blown Out Of Proportion

It's inevitable. Small issues get blown out of proportion. If you've lived any length of time you have seen this happen in your own life.

The next time this happens, what are you going to do? David J. Lieberman, author of Make Peace With Anyone, gives us a couple ideas for when we have to deal with this:

1. Listen - Refrain from judging what the other person is saying. Don't think about what you're going to say next. Don't agree, disagree, or argue. If they are upset, you're best bet is to say "I'm sorry". Any more than that and they may get more defensive. Lieberman says it would be like telling a person they should eat healthy and exercise regularly while they are having a heart attack. The first step is to resolve the problem at hand. Then address the issues which led to the problem in the first place. It's amazing how helpful it is to simply let someone get an issue off their chest. In a lot of cases, when a person feels heard, it's all they want.
2. Paraphrase - This helps the other person know you've been listening. It also crystallizes his complaint and helps you better understand what the issue is. This is also known as the "drive-thru conversation." When you order a chicken sandwich and iced tea, the voice responds by repeating what your order is. If incorrect, you clear it up right then. If they get it right, you pull forward and pay. Paraphrasing is the same idea.
3. Ask For A Favor - This conveys the message that you are making their problem your problem. For example, after listening and paraphrasing, ask the other person to tell you what they think is a fair solution.

Dealing effectively with small issues that grow into big ones is part of Serving Strong!

Rapport: A Secret To Conflict Management

Conflict (as noted in a previous post) is a topic too large for one sitting. Over time, I will attempt to highlight information, thoughts and concepts together for us as we continue in the people-helping profession.

Conflict is a common source of emotional (and sometimes physical) drainage for people. When things just aren't right between us and another person, we become consumed with feelings of frustration, anger, hopelessness, and stress. The amount of energy it takes to maintain these feelings takes away from the energy we could be devoting to helping others. That's why I am highlighting ways to manage conflict.

One way to manage conflict (or avoid it altogether) is through RAPPORT.

Rapport, as Barbara Pachter notes in her book, The Power of Positive Confrontation, is "a relationship of mutual trust and harmony achieved, in part, through common courtesy and practicing good etiquette."

She goes on to make a distinction between minor and major rapport. An example of minor rapport is saying "hello" to the cashier at the grocery store. No long-term relationship desired, but why not be friendly? Major rapport, by contrast, would be having a conversation with, and getting to know, a neighbor or someone you meet at a conference.  An on-going relationship is desired.

This may seem a little elementary when you think about it. How can a little rapport help me avoid conflict?, you may ask. But it's a simple principle: You usually get back what you put it. When you are nice to someone, you indirectly honor them. While they may not consciously acknowledge it, they will feel (at least) a baseline of trust and like for you. Plus, when rapport is absent, it is almost undeniably noticed.

Bottom line: Be nice and take a genuine interest in the other person. It helps avoid conflict ahead of time.

Interpersonal Confrontation

Conflict in relationships is inevitable. It is a source of emotional and psychological drain for most people. Getting a handle on how to manage conflict with other people is crucial to the people helper who wants to serve with long term effectiveness.

The topic of confrontation and conflict in relationships is much too large to fit into one post. For now, I am highlighting a number of excellent resources I've come across.  I urge you to consider making them (and the concepts contained within them) a part of your library and lifestyle. If you have any to add, send me a comment.

Make Peace With Anyone (by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D)

Emotional Intelligence At Work (by Hendrie Weisinger, Ph.D.)

The Power Of Positive Confrontation (by Barbara Pachter, Susan Magee)

Difficult Conversations (by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher)

The "Hard Worker" Syndrome

What does your family think of you at home? Do they consider you a hard worker? If so, hold on a minute. Don't assume that's a good thing. Gene Bedell, entrepreneur, founder of Tenzing LLC, and parent points out something to ponder in his book, "3 Steps To Yes". If your family thinks you're a hard worker and you are proud of that - there may be more to the story.

You may be thinking you're doing all that work and ministry for them. You may think your work makes it possible for your family to do what they want to do and own what they own. You may also think since you're in the business of helping people, they should understand and be just as excited about your ministry as you are.

But if your spouse needs companionship and your children need help being accepted by their peers, your position as superprovider or superminister is irrelevant to them no matter how much your earnings can provide or how many other people you help. Being a hard worker in people-helping is only part of the equation. Your role as spouse and parent cannot just get your left-overs when you come home at the end of the day.

What kind of worker are you? How do you balance your roles of people-helper, spouse, and parent? Keep a close eye on your influence at work AND home and you'll be Serving Strong!

Marriage Tip For The "Man's Man"

You love competition. You are drawn to winning. You eat your meat raw. You bite your nails (the 10-penny kind). You can lift 2,500 pounds in the air and still take a call on your mobile phone. You're a MAN'S MAN.

All this talk about pulling your weight in the marriage and being touchy-feely makes you uncomfortable. You know a little give & take is the oil that makes the marriage engine hum. But, being a man's man, you have no idea how to help out around the house. What do you do?

Try this simple method for building up your spouse -  the next time you try to think of something to do for your spouse, ask yourself this question:

"What could I do for my spouse that if my buddies saw me doing it, would ask me if I lost a bet."

The answer could be a multitude of things: sweeping the living room floor, making the bed in the morning, changing a diaper, changing a light bulb, helping the kids with homework, and so on.

Being a man's man doesn't have to keep you from being engaged with your spouse and Serving Strong!

Love Notes Found In Unique Places

Everyone I know enjoys getting an unexpected note of appreciation or love. It doesn't have to be very long or drawn out. It can be as simple as "I appreciate you." It's also fun for the note writer as well. Whether you're receiving a note or giving one, this kind of activity is what strong, long-lasting marriages are made of.

So, where do you put the notes so your spouse finds them throughout the day?

I ran across a great series of articles by Sheri and Bob Stritof listing unique ideas for where to put love notes for your spouse. The articles provide ideas for where to put notes in...

The kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, home office, vehicle, bathroom, garage or storage area, outdoors, or other locations.

For example, when was the last time you Left a love note for your spouse on the sun visor in the car? Or tucked between the towels in the bathroom? Or in the fishing tackle box?

Check out the entire list.

Start giving your marriage an unexpected boost of romance and love. A strong marriage helps a person Serve Strong!

The Power To Save Your Marriage

You want to build a strong marriage?

You want to avoid the pitfalls of an affair?

I read an article today which I thought was excellent. You've GOT to read the entire thing for yourself. Check out some snippets from the article:

"Nearly all marriages would improve dramatically if the wife would overcome her reservations and learn how to satisfy her husband with...conversation."

"Conversation... where each person feels accepted no matter what he or she says, reveals, explains, or feels. Complete openness to another human."

"Just as many men crave intimate sharing with another as do women."

"At Family Dynamics Institute we've discovered that relationship affairs develop as a man and woman begin to listen, understand, and accept the facts and feelings of their lives. They usually start innocently and progress without safety checks or barriers."

"...affairs most often find root in couples who are best friends."

"When husbands and wives allow their spouses to open up their deepest feelings and most sensitive history, deep levels of sharing and understanding will happen."

"There is a crucial difference in disliking what you hear and punishing the person for sharing it."

Read the entire article

The article is written by Joe Beam, a Christian marriage expert who founded Family Dynamics Institute. He has also written the book, Becoming One: Emotionally, Spiritually and Sexually.

Earn A Degree In...Your Spouse

One of the best ways I've found to enhance my relationship with my wife is to become a student of her. It's not an idea unique to me. I don't remember where I got the idea. But it's served me well over the years.

By becoming a student of our spouse, we intentionally try to learn all we can about them and apply that learning to life. For example, in my learning about my wife I discover she likes to read novels while sipping coffee at a coffee shop. That's the nugget of information. Next, I apply it to life by remembering for her birthday to get her a good book and $5.00 gift card to Panera Bread where she can go and get coffee and read on her day off.

The nuggets of information can be anything. Here are some questions to get your creative juices flowing. Have fun with the process!

• What are their favorite TV shows?
• What music do they like?
• What style of clothing to they like?
• How do they like to spend time off?
• What is their favorite candy?
• Favorite holiday?
• What gets them mad?, Happy?
• What are they most afraid of in life?
• How did 911 impact them?
• Do they like snow? Humidity? Fog? Wind?
• Are they a hugger or a hand-shaker?
• Are they a morning person or like to stay up late?
• What is their favorite place to visit?
• Who do they admire?
• Who do they want to be more like?
• What's their favorite color?
• Do they like to be tickled?
• Is their hair naturally curly or straight?
• What kind of shampoo to they use?
• Do they sit close to the steering wheel or far away from it when they drive?
• Are they drawn to organization or creative clutter?
• What household chores to they enjoy? Which ones do they abhor?
• What is their view on capital punishment?
• How dependent are they on their mother?
• What kind of relationship do/did they have with their father?
• Do they still have siblings alive? What place in the birth order are they?
• Do they like their pillows soft or firm?
• Do they like to swim?
• Are their hands always cold or warm?
• What is their vision prescription? Do they prefer contacts or glasses?
• Do they snore?
• What is their going-to-bed routine?
• What is their getting-ready-for-the-day routine?
• Watch how they brush their teeth.
• Watch how they talk with an introvert. An extrovert.
• Watch what their face does when they laugh.
• Do they swing their arms when they walk?

When we are learning about our spouse and apply the learning for greater intimacy, we love & honor them. When we honor them, our marriage is stronger. When our marriage is strong, we can Serve Strong!

Are you a people-helper AND caregiver at the same time?

Working in the people-helping profession is challenging. And if you're also caring for a loved one at the same time, you must be at the top of your game with your own life balance and self-care.

Benton Hospice Service wrote an article called "Caring for an ill loved one? Don't neglect yourself".

The tips & suggestions are very practical and contain good sense.  Here are a few thoughts on their list:

PRACTICALLY, use equipment to help aid you in the process of caregiving, such as...

• A baby monitor, phone, or intercom system
• Over-bed tables for eating & reading
• Hand-held showers, bathseats & nonskid mats to help with bathing
• Grab bars near the toilet or tub

PERSONALLY, take simple steps to stay energized & connected, such as...

• Get enough rest & exercise
• Eat healthy (limit sugar, sodium & fatty foods)
• Learn breathing exercises or meditation techniques to manage stress
• Learn to accept support & encourage from others

For more information, the article points to these websites:

www.caringinfo.org and www.caregiving.org.  Check them out if you're serving others AND caring for an ill loved one.  May God bless you as you continue Serving Strong!

Random acts of romance

Okay, this post is just for the guys out there.

For the most part, we of the male species approach relationships a bit different than our counterparts. We tend to only listen if we're the ones asking the question. We want to fix the problem when all that's needed is a listening ear. We grunt and beat our chests. We're impatient. We want to see hockey players slam up against the glass and lose a front tooth. We want to see two guys beat themselves senseless in a ring before hundreds of cheering onlookers.

Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh for a characterization. But isn't it true that we tend to forget marriage is about romance? I do. From time to time, I confess I have to remember my wife is more than the person who cooks me fish, washes my underwear, and cleans the rugs. She's a person.

So I've been trying my best to remember to add a little romance into our relationship now and then. Here are some "random acts of romance" I've picked up along the way (maybe they'll help jump start your own romance):

• Take some eyeliner or lipstick and write "I love you" on the bathroom mirror (just be sure there's enough left for her to get ready that morning or you'll have another problem!)
• Write a small note of thanks and slip it into one of her socks in the drawer
• Call her midday and tell her you just called to say you love her
• Bring flowers home
• Schedule an evening where you take full responsibility for the kids, chores, dinner, etc. and let her go out with friends or to a coffee shop to read by herself
• Give her a foot massage
• Buy a love poem book and read one to her before you both go to sleep
• Make a habit of looking her in the eye and smiling first thing in the door from work
• Get into the habit of saying, "I understand"
• Get into the habit of saying, "Tell me about your day"
• Listen with your eyes, and body language

Marriages are such an integral part of our ministry to others. When our marriage isn't strong, our effectiveness is impacted. Invest in your marriage. Be guilty of performing "random acts of romance" and you'll be Serving Strong!

Are you learning but never seem to get any smarter?

Ken Blanchard, Paul J. Meyer and Dick Ruhe have published the book, Know Can Do! in which they highlight the obstacles that prevent people from implementing what they learn. These obstacles include:

• Information Overload (too much learning in too little time)
• Negative Filtering (holding onto negative thought processes which prevent an open mind)
• Lack Of Follow-Up (not having a plan to put the new knowledge into action)

I have indicated in previous posts that there are two well-documented realities:

1. First Reality: There is overwhelming evidence that pastors are struggling with burnout, depression, stress, low self-esteem, loneliness, and obesity. Some say is is a result of the very profession pastors are in. They are expected to be all things to all people. Plus they are dealing with people and their struggles.
2. Second Reality: There is an over-abundance of information that addresses burnout, depression, stress, low self-esteem, loneliness, and obesity. I Google'd "stress" the other day resulting in over 285,000,000 hits in 0.5 seconds. The first page of results gave me enough information to learn what good stress is, what bad stress is, what its effect is on my life, and steps I can take to reduce the bad stress from my life.

There is a gap between the struggle pastors face and the resources that sit in bookshelves and websites across the world. The problem is in what the autuhors highlight in Know Can do!

Coaching is the key to filling this gap. With a personal coach, a pastor overcomes the obstacles mentioned above:

• The learning is in smaller bits of information more frequently
• The pastor and coach discover a positive perspective for longer-lasting impact
• The pastor and coach design a follow up plan of action that is do-able

Check out more about what coaching is.

Contact me if you're interested in exploring a coaching benefit for yourself. Learn the art of weaving balance and self-care into the fabric of your ministry.

Living with someone who has chronic pain?

"Chronic pain is a family problem. When people experience unrelenting pain, everyone they live with and love is likely to suffer. The frustration, anxiety, stress and depression that often go with chronic pain can also afflict family members and friends who feel helpless to provide relief."

This is a quote from a blog entry by Gary B. Rollman, Professor of Psychology, University of Western Ontario, London, ON.

The entire article was very helpful and can help if you, in your ministry calling, live with someone you love who has chronic pain, or if someone in your span of care has chronic pain.

Here are a few tips Professor Rollman points out.  Read the entire article for more details.

• Acknowledge your feelings (you may feel guilty about not being able to relieve the distress of someone you love. You may be anxious about financial problems.)
• Help the patient stay involved (Whether you are the patient's primary or intermittent caregiver, it is important not to contribute to feelings of helplessness)
• Communicate (Open, two-way communication is crucial to dealing effectively with chronic pain)
• Take care of yourself (Enlist all the help you can get from family members and friends)

Dealing effectively with chronic pain can help you keep Serving Strong!

Read a book together

I was coaching one of my clients recently and he shared something with me that I wanted to pass along. He said he and his wife are reading a book together. It's a book that he, as pastor, is working through and his wife wanted to better understand what he was studying and wrestling with. I suppose once that book is finished, he could then read a book together with his wife on something SHE was working through as well.

The point is, many pastors work in their own domain while their spouse works in a totally separate domain. Reading together can help bridge the gap between domains, merging them for a stronger marriage union.

Merge your domains and you'll be Serving Strong!

Who is your biggest fan?

H.B. London has recently added a great post on his blog (The Heart Of A Pastor) entitled "Loving God's Way". He opens with the question, "Who is your biggest fan?" and then asks you to consider how your spouse would answer that.

So, how DOES your spouse see you? Are you their biggest fan? Are they YOUR biggest fan?

Read the entire post by H. B. London.

Loving your spouse is one of the key parts of a person who is Serving Strong!

Do you enjoy your spouse?

Familylife.com is a great resource to address marriage, family, and money issues successfully. An article they provide highlights 10 ways to protect your marriage. Among them are...

• Spend regular time enjoying life with your spouse
• Add a little fun to your relationship
• Thank God daily for your mate - imperfections and all
• Check out the entire article

The marriage, in today's culture, is to be protected like never before. And for those in the people helping professions, an intentional approach to protecting the marriage is even MORE necessary - due to the stresses associated with people-helping.

Keep your marriage strong. It will help you Serve Strong!

Do you have a great relationship with your spouse?

There is a great website with a number of short videos that address many of the common issues couples face during their marriage. The marriage relationship is one of the most key in the life of the married person who helps other people. It is best to keep this relationship current, alive, vibrant, and growing.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott share a passion for helping others build healthy relationships. They founded the Center for Relationship Development at the Seattle Pacific University in 1991. It is for the teaching of basics of good relationships.

Here are a few of the many questions they address:

• "How can I get my husband to be more involved in the process of raising the kids? He loves them very much, but his time is filled with either work or his own activities."
• "When my husband gets made at me, he actually takes my things away and says I don't deserve nice things. The last time he went and canceled a furniture order we had placed together. What motivates him to act this way to me?"
• "My wife and I don't have a lot in common. She is very social and likes to get out of the house because she's home all day. I am an introvert and like it when it's just the two of us at home. Which pretty much means one of us isn't happy all the time. How important is it to have similar interests and what can you do about it if you don't?"

Check out their website.

Keep your marriage strong and you'll be serving strong!

Marriage partnership and life balance

They say that the secret of a balanced Mom is an involved Dad.  A recent post reads,

"...the best way of boosting your odds of having a workable work-life balance is to make sure you have an equal partner in marriage."

Read the entire post.

The marriage partnership is just that - a partnership.  At times, there are tasks one partner needs to pick up temporarily while the other partner is overloaded.  For example, let's say your spouse is studying to complete an exam for a college course.  The trash, which is usually their responsibility, is piling up in the house.  Maybe it's time for you to lend a hand and take out the trash yourself this time.

It's about give and take.  It's about flowing with the seasons and movements of life.  It's like traveling down a river with bends and twists.  Sometimes life is like rapids and we do just what is needed to stay afloat.  Other times, life is like the lazy river and we can relax a bit.  That's what life balance is.

So, those reading this who are married - examine your marriage relationship.  Is it truly a partnership of give and take, ebb and flow?

Having an equal partnership in marriage can help ensure we are Serving Strong!

Is your marriage real?

Marital strength is vital to serving strong.  That's why I'd like to plug a great website for all the married servants.

It's called Real Relationships.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are a husband-and-wife team who share a passion for helping others build healthy relationships.  They founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of the Seattle Pacific University.

As a married couple themselves, they both work from professional training as marriage & family therapist (Leslie) and clinical psychologist (Les) to ensure a grounded resource for all of us.

Their website includes numerous video channels based on topics such as children, communication divorce, faith, finance, in-laws, recreation, and so on.  There's even a section for pre-marital for those who are serving and not yet married.

I urge you to make the strength of your marriage a priority.  Invest the time and resources to make it as strong as it can be.  One of the ways you can do this is by visiting Real Relationships.

Are the little foxes ruining your vineyard?

Dennis Rainey has an excellent article at FamilyLife.com stressing the importance of romance in our marriages.  In Song of Solomon, the author identifies "little foxes" that can come and ruin the "vineyard" of marriage.  They include:

• Wrong priorities
• Young kids and their energy
• Teenagers who stay up late
• Finances
• Changing seasons of marriage
• Poor health
• Busy-ness
• Unrealistic expectations
• A critical spirit
• Conflict unresolved

Okay, so it's good to be aware of the "little foxes".  That's half the battle.  Dennis Rainey goes on to list 3 suggestions for putting the spark back in your marriage.  Visit the entire article by clicking HERE.

If you are serving others and you are married, you carry a unique load.  It's vital that you keep your marriage strong and up to date.  There are a lot of articles floating around about making sure our ministries are relevant to the culture around us.  Don't neglect what is necessary to keep your own marriage relevant.

A strong marriage - part of what it means to be serving strong!

Accountability

What an ugly word "accountability" has become in our culture.  "No one is going to tell ME what to do.  I'm going to go my own way.  Don't even try to check up on me.  You have no right to."  Live and let live, as they say.

But as a person who serves, you cannot operate without it.  Long is the list of ministers who seved without accountability and the negative results.  It's dangerous to gamble this way.  It's like being a trapeze artist flying without a net.

Somewhere, I came across a list of questions that address this concept.  I don't know where they came from but I want to pass them along to you.  Perhaps you could ask another objective, supportive person to help you go through them periodically as you continue to serve strong...

YOUR CALLING

1. What was the highlight of your calling in the past week?
2. What was the biggest disappointment in the last week?
3. What success can you celebrate?
4. What failure can you celebrate?
5. What people were ministered to in your area?
6. Which people have you invested your time in this past week?
7. What one person in your relationships has the greatest potential as a Christ Follower?
8. How are the people under your care developing?
9. Who are becoming Christ Followers in your span of care?  Who are showing signs of spiritual growth?
10. Where are there holes to fill (challenges to overcome) in your calling for which you must pray for and strategize about?
11. Are there any potential storms on the horizon for which you need to prepare?

PERSONAL SPIRITUAL GROWTH

1. Have you meditated for at least 5 minutes each day since the last time we met?
2. What book are you currently reading to strengthen your own spiritual health?
3. What book(s) of the Bible have you been reading devotionally lately?
4. What book are you currently reading to sharpen your calling?
5. What answers to prayer have you received in the past week?
6. What barriers are hindering your spiritual growth right now?

PERSONAL LIFE

1. Are you taking the time you need to take for your family and yourself to be whole?
2. Would your spouse/family say that you are balancing your calling and home life well?
3. Are you taking a Sabbath rest regularly?
4. What did you do this past week that was really fun (not necessarily calling-related)?

FUTURE PLANNING

1. What are your major plans for the coming month? The coming quarter?
2. Are there any resources you need to better fulfill your calling?
3. Is there a way that someone else can support your efforts?

FINAL QUESTION

1. Have you been truthful in your answers to the questions above? :)

Are you at the top of your game as a minister?

Your calling - how's it going?  Are you effective?  Are you at your peak?  I've been thinking of what can keep us as ministers from being at the top of our game.  Here's a partial list.  I'm sure it's not exhaustive, but it's a start...

• Perfectionism
• Procrastination
• Lack of focus on calling
• Need for power, control
• Temptations
• Fixation (focused to the exclusion of other possibilities)
• Imbalance in other areas of life (marriage, parenting, finances, ec.)
• No self care
• The need to please
• Interpersonal conflict
• Lack of skills in calling
• Serving out of spiritual poverty
• Serving outside giftedness
• Too busy
• Can't say "no"
• Distant relationship with God